4.17 (abject failure)
edition #42
all or nothing #42 - could it get any worse?
table of contents
1.events 2.words 3.missed connections 4.horoscope 5.listen
»looking forward
the mill opening reception - 4.17, 6 - 9pm
a mill harnesses the raw unrelenting power of water to churn, and spin, and grind, and toil away at the grain like threads of our universe. a triumph in human ingenuity in the never ending fight to control nature. in fact, a mill mimics the human body quite well, flowing with the cosmic currents of the earth as it ebbs and flows. channeling these invisible frequencies that are imbued into every living thing, allows us as impulsive animals to momentarily reach existential elevation, transforming nothing into something, the alchemized equation that is art. come look at some paintings and photographs with us tonight in the hopes of experiencing some second-hand enlightenment at our 119 hester location from 6-9pm for the opening of the mill, a group exhibition by miguel de laveaga, naava guaraca, laura lee ross, and taylor stout, on view from tonight through april 27.
edward a performance by ed schmidt - 4.18-5.18, 7pm
the reviews are in. the entire all street critic’s (completely non-biased) review board agrees: edward is the hottest play of the season. if you want fireworks, special effects, action packed stunts, elaborate scenery, multiple outfit changes, and theatrical chaos, then you’re a simple minded fool and you don’t understand the true beauty of oration and performance. michael jordan played five-on-five, ed schmidt plays 1 v. 12 and he wins every freaking night. so don’t just take our word for it, catch a show while tix are still available and find out who really is the goat.
words
+how to unsuccessfully write a newsletter+
i’ve spent the last two weeks with this title on a blank document. every time i’ve opened it, i’ve had a nice modest chuckle to myself. hushed and mischievous like a grubby little toddler hoarding a secret stash of goodies. i really had the desire to just leave the words section blank this week and let the title speak for itself, but that felt like teetering just past the edge of meta and heading into lazy and obnoxious territory. if you put the effort into opening this email, then i can put effort into stringing some incoherent words together into the shape of something that loosely resembles an essay, which i guess that’s what this would be called. there’s probably a substack aficionado that would know the exact subgenre to categorize this kind of meandering assemblage of useless thoughts, but i am a proud expert of absolutely nothing and, thus, will not attempt to self identify. in fact, i think we tend to get into trouble when we start trying to name things and take ownership over what cannot be defined. a container cannot define its contents. if you want to know the type of person i am, then you must first understand that i am not a person at all. considering i earnestly wrote that sentence and kept it in the final draft after rigorous and extensive rewrites, research, and peer suggestions, that should tell you all you need to know. jk, we both now i don’t do no edits. what i really am is electricity, meat, and water, as are you and everyone you’ve ever met. we are all a uniquely rare stew of primordial elements that, when prepared with the precise ingredient ratio and adjusted to the proper temperature, blossoms like an adolescent flower approaching the dawn of consciousness at the impasse of our impending vernal equinox. so to put that into layman’s terms: i’m annoying. now, a very select few of truly unhinged persons may be reading this and thinking, “hell yeah!!!” but the vast majority of eyeballs are certainly glazing over as they internally wonder, “why am i reading this and where is this going?” well, for starters, it’s going into your mailbox, which is already flooded with a million constant reminders of how much you’re letting yourself down by not being the best version of yourself. you’re not buying enough clothes, you’re not responding to your grandma’s birthday wishes, you’re not signing enough petitions, you’re not watching enough tv to justify that new streaming service you just subscribed to, you’re not caught up enough on politics, and most importantly you’re not reading my substack all the way through :( so, to survive we must adapt, desperately clinging to virality by selling out our convictions in hopes of generating views or disappearing into obscurity, slumming it in the bowels of spam stuck behind the abyss-like world built by gmail’s filter settings. but what if there was another way? a blank page is not simply blank, but devoid of struggle, conflict, and failure. a blank page is a clean slate of endless possibility and maybe that possibility is better as an imagined concept than something pursued. such lack of strife is not born out of a lack of action, but rather a very active choice of passivity. one evening in paris or milan, i can’t quite remember which exactly, but i do i believe it was during fashion week, i was having dinner at an extremely expensive restaurant that i won’t name because materiality doesn’t matter and i was dining with a very, very famous person that i won’t name to avoid name-dropping, but they said something that really resonated with me that i think really resonates with this moment and sums all this up extremely neatly, but i’m not going to tell you what they said because i think some things are better left to the imagination.
missed connections
+4.11 bwl art show
you: desperate and loud
me: cringing on the outside, melting on the inside
description:
when you shouted out my name for all to see, i turned so flush i had to spurn thee. although my facade was curt and terse, my love sickness for you couldn’t get much worse.
+4.12 arthur’s box screening
you: said hello
me: obsessed
description:
from this day forward, i am forever in your debt and will loyally pledge my allegiance to you for as long as we both shall live.
horoscopes
+Aries+
grown ups don’t get letter grades, they just get stared at and silently judged, so stop trying to please everyone and start trying to gouge out the eyes of your enemies. if they can’t see you, then they can’t judge you.
+Taurus+
try again. fail again. fail better. try more. fail again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
+Gemini+
in a moment of clarity, that gemini once stated, “trust man, he a failure,“ which really speaks for itself.
+Cancer+
things are going to get bad, like really bad. seriously, like really, really, really atrocious. so good luck with that.
+Leo+
sometimes things aren’t what they seem. that banana is, in fact, not a banana, but a plantain.
+Virgo+
it’s nice having a belief system because then all your failures can be blamed on someone else’s will.
+Libra+
always remember: failure isn’t your only option. no matter what they say, you could always just quit.
+Scorpio+
wanna shed your past failures and arise into the future like a beautiful phoenix riding upon apollo’s celestial chariot? bet. follow me. for starters, you’ll need a new name. take the name of your first pet and the street your grew up on and do absolutely nothing with that. instead take the last name of your favorite pornstar and the first name of your least favorite pornstar and put them together. that is now your new name. next, you’ll need a makeover. throw every article of clothing you have directly into the trash, or ideally leave them in the middle of the busiest street you can find, and set them on fire. you could donate them, but you’re not going to. it’s better to go out in a blaze of glory, anyway. for your outfit, you can visit the all street store and get yourself decked out in our new exclusive robes and sandals merch bundle that has been handsewn by our very, very, very happy team of interns. once you get your clothes right, then you, of course, must get it all did. we suggest shaving your head. we can help with that in our newly opened barber shop in the third stall of our basement studio. we’ll get you right. then, you’ll need some new friends. text everyone you love a picture of your left pinky toe, then block them. never speak to them again. if you see them in the street, then you run away. who will your new friends be? well you’re looking at them. welcome to the family. welcome to love. welcome to eternity. here, failure is nothing but a distant memory. this is all street, where all of us are all or nothing.
+Sagittarius+
making lemons out of lemonade isn’t very helpful once you’ve already drank the kool-aid.
+Capricorn+
the higher your hopes, the greater the distance you’ll fall, but that’s not why you should be scared of heights.
+Aquarius+
avoid opening umbrellas inside.
+Pisces+
godspeed.
playlist
+send us your writing, ideas, notes, observations or anything you want to gallery@allstnyc.com to be considered for future editions of all or nothing+
image credits
images are by naava guaraca, miguel de laveaga, taylor stout, and laura lee ross, as part of the group exhibition the mill, on view at 119 hester street through april 27.