all or nothing #34 - what are you thankful for?
table of contents
1.events 2.words 3.missed connections 4.horoscope 5.listen
»looking forward
how to be a novice group exhibition by argu collective
everyone in the art world is so caught up with trying to be an expert. there’s expert painters, expert critics, expert art handlers. but it’s all a lie. no one is an expert in everything, or maybe we’re lying to ourselves to feel better about our lack of expertise. either way, though, a kick-a** exhibition is pulling up to all street gallery’s 77 e 3rd location from december 1st - 7th and it’s sure to be a hoot. a big ole reception will be happening on december 5th. pull up!
»current
all street holiday market
you don’t wanna be that gouda head with cheese whizz coming out ya ears, pulling up to the family function empty handed, right? it’s a real bad look failing to contribute to the holiday ambiance year after year. so, break the tradition of being a pathetic chump and buy a gift. it doesn’t have to be expensive or big. it just has to be frigging dope. and there’s no better spot to hit for dope ‘ish than the all street holiday market. and on black friday we got something real special planned. pull up to 77 e 3rd street on friday and saturday from 1-7 pm for all that holiday drip.
»looking back
bolsterarts residency benefit
money. money. money. moneeeeeeeey! money. that’s what art is all about after all. getting that mula. those big bucks. that bread. and that cheddar. make a stack, that’s a money sandwich; way more than just a snack. and, jeez, did those dollars flow, perhaps thanks to a little social lubrication (aka an open bar). but real talk, though, thanks to everyone that came through and supported. you made a difference. big up yourself!
words
+how to unsuccessfully be a lameduck+
november is a weird time. it's sort of like we're just waiting for the year to end. like, thanksgiving is cool and all, but it's kind of a joke. you get one or two days off, if you're lucky, and then it's back to flopping around like a zombie until christmas. which, at this point, is a non-denominational holiday, for the only thing observers of christmas actually worship is capitalism, consumerism, and gluttony, which are all sins, right? i don't know. i was a confirmation class dropout, but what i do know is that i'll be praying for a white christmas this year, just like the ones i used to know. you see, this is the problem. it's literally thanksgiving and we're already talking about christmas. like, damn, can't we just celebrate one thing at a time? well no, because time isn't a line; it's actually closer to a inverted cylindrical sphere and, therefore, there's no rules and nothing matters. it's been an interesting run. first, we had halloween on october 31st. like, who the heck saw that coming? and then, of course, the election, which don't worry, we won't provide any spoilers for those that recorded it, or are waiting to catch it on streaming. then, there was the drought, which left bernie bros and maga mamas alike screaming, "where's the rain?" well, now it's thanksgiving. and one turkey has been pardoned while millions of others have gotten slaughtered. bred to be food, then fattened to the point of being unable to even walk, while being kept in depressing little cages before being murdered, plucked, roasted, and then devoured by smiling animals that believe the existence of their own "souls" gives them the right to murder other things in the name of family tradition. but what can you do? not eat turkey? not in my america, pal. so, we eat until our stomachs hurt and watch football until we can't distinguish the difference between brain damage and entertainment, numbing our minds and bodies until we get the true freedom that is delivered by the end of december, as the world closes up to celebrate baby jesus and the little angels of a new year. in reality, we should be cherishing these days. getting our last minute shopping done, catching up with loved ones, and enjoying our freedom because something's coming. again, we're very sensitive to spoilers and won't ruin any of the big surprises for y'all, but just know something's coming. something big. something that will change the world as we know it. and with something so big coming, it's hard to feel like doing anything. like, think about poor little thanksgiving. what's the point if whatever you do will just be eclipsed by the festivities of christmas? where's the autumnal color palette? winter literally hasn't even started yet, but all you see on every corner are pine needle trails leading you to christmas tree dealers bumping their jolly music and dolling out hot chocolate by the ounce. it's freaking disgusting what's happened to this city. there's no fighting the inevitable, though. all we can do is wait, count the days, and settle down into the proverbial couch of inactivity. or we can fight. punch and keep punching. until we leave a crater on the surface of our global landscape like one of ramona flower's disgruntled exes, because love is the strongest catalyst of all and we have to make our feelings known. but then again, if the majority feels a different way, are we just being sore losers by being a loud minority? idk, i confused metaphors and now i don't know what this has to do with thanksgiving. oh, now i remember, actually. on the hierarchy of poultry, turkey has to be pretty low on the list. now, since chicken is so cheap and common, it cannot reign supreme, even though fried chicken and all of its delicious descendants such as a chicken nuggets are crucial to our american ecosystem. however, that top spot is, of course, reserved for the king of all kings, which is peking duck. in comparison, turkey is just a pretty lameduck. happy thanksgiving, folks. thanks for reading this far.
missed connections
+11.15 habits pop-up
You: a treat hound
Me: coming to you empty handed
Description:
they said you were only after one thing. don’t prove them right.
+11.20 bolster arts benefit
You: a sight for sore eyes
Me: slept in my contacts
Description:
all of my four eyes are trained on you. one looking for answers. one for grace. one for love. one for peace. but all for you.
+11.28 thanksgiving
You: hungry for tradition
Me: dry, pale, and popular
Description
there are better options out there. don’t let their influence warp your taste buds. you don’t have to do this.
horoscopes
+Aries+
remember, it could always be worse and you should be thankful for that.
+Taurus+
actions speak louder than words, unless your speaking through a megaphone, then all bets are off and you should probably just send an appreciative text rather than trying to top that.
+Gemini+
gobble gobble, turkey man. the jig is up: we’re coming to snatch you up out of that oven, whether you’re ready or not. forget the distinction of white meat versus dark meat. we’re here to taste the rainbow and embrace the spectrum of meat. as long as the blood’s pumping and the skillet’s hot, we’re taking a big old bite out of you. so, sharpen your knives and open wide because here we come! live and direct from the kitchen table. from the dinner table. from the fridge to the trash can. from the plate to the sink. and, finally, from my family to yours. we wish you health and good cheer. but just know it won’t last. while in this moment we wish you well, soon those wishes will sour into spells. dark, dark magic and witchcraft. because, after all, Christmas is a pagan holiday, but they don’t want you to know that, now do they? shhh, before they hear you. ok here’s where the fun begins: go back through the paragraph above and circle the third letter of each word, then take each of those letters and put them in alphabetical order, then cross out all the vowels, then take the remaining letters and find their corresponding numbers on a telephone. call that number and wish them a happy thanksgiving. they’ll tell you what to do from there. but be careful. do not eat the purple potatoes. you’ll know what we’re talking about when the time is right.
+Cancer+
this holiday season, if someone tries to gift you something wrapped in giftwrap with snowmen on it, then immediately refuse it and run away from them. they mean you harm.
+Leo+
don’t be a follower. when everyone’s going around the table and saying what they’re thankful for, don’t kiss up and make some cutesy remark about the company you’re with. nah, tell the truth. sometimes it’s better to be honest and alone during the holidays than happy and loved.
+Virgo+
what are three things you’re thankful for? write them down and accept that your feeble thanks mean nothing because everything is predetermined and you’re just a fleshy dust bunny in the cosmic universe of fate.
+Libra+
no matter how many times you fill your glass, others will still see it as empty; that is, until you break the glass all together.
+Scorpio+
a famous Canadian once reminisced about past courtship telling of a time when, “i bought your dad a bunch of shit for christmas. he ain't even say thank you,” thus exemplifying that when people don’t say thank you, you must immediately hold a grudge forever.
+Sagittarius+
even if you don’t mean it, just lie. you may never truly get what you want, but if you don’t say thank you then they’ll stop trying and that can’t happen because what is life without stuff?
+Capricorn+
gratitude is not a pissing contest, but if it was, you’d want to win, right? being polite is not about minding your manners, but about competition.
+Aquarius+
what’s given can just as easily be taken away, so for every gift given, remember to take two for yourself.
+Pisces+
thanks for nothing.
playlist
+send us your writing, ideas, notes, observations or anything you want to gallery@allstnyc.com to be considered for future editions of all or nothing+
image credits
artworks by belowkey, on view at all street’s holiday market at our 77 east third street location through november 30.