all or nothing #32 - what are you scared of?
i’m scared of no one answering this question
table of contents
1.events 2.words 3.missed connections 4.horoscope 5.listen
»looking forward
bolster arts residency open call
people make a lot of excuses in order to avoid making art. but typically, they’re just scared of failure. so let this be the sign for you to take the plunge and stop being afraid. two artists will be awarded a rent-free, 360 sq-ft studio space to share in chinatown, concluding in a show at none other than all street’s east village location. apply by november 15 and stop making excuses to not realize your dreams.
»current
what can we learn from yesterday in order to create a better (hopefully less frightening) tomorrow? in this group exhibition curated by heike dempster, artists lauren baccus, nuveen barwari, william bigby, constanza camila kramer garfias, sophia mainka, ian o’hara, diana sinclair and malaika temba present works that carry tradition and cultural heritage into a potential future that allows for a dismantling and reconstruction of existing ideologies and create a counter-narrative. the exhibition is on view through november 17 at 77 east third street.
chaos theory: the spectrum of black abstraction at BRAC
unpredictability can be frightening, even chaotic. in a group exhibition featuring abreale, amani heywood, austin sley julian, christl stringer, freddie l. rankin ii, garry grant and shangari mwashighadi, artists interrogate the fluid and subjective definitions of abstraction, chaos, and identity through sculpture, assemblage, mixed media, and painting. join us for the opening reception tonight from 6 - 8 pm at the bronx river art center (1087 e tremont ave., bronx, ny, 10460). the exhibition is on view through december 7.
»looking back
a nightmare on all street 2
monsters mashed, demons danced, and ghouls gawked. it was a horrendous night of terrific terror and stupendous spooks. but, ultimately, the community came together to face their collective fears: other people. strangers united in dance, song, and fright. in some ways, nightmares became dreams and that’s what all street is all about.
words
+how to unsuccessfully be brave+
my biggest fear is no one showing up. and, funnily enough, i’m literally doing that right now. rather than communicating just how late i’m going to be to this event, i’m doing this. procrastinating. it is productive procrastination, but at the heart of it, it’s just a pretty toxic, avoidant behavior. all i’d have to do is simply send one text message to adequately manage expectations. i could say the train is delayed, i got held up at work, or i lost track of time. all of this is true, but somehow i feel pretty flimsy when it comes to making an actual excuse. and my phone is literally open, so it’d be easy, but instead i’m typing away at this note. you see, in my mind, if i finish this meaningless essay, i’ll be one step closer to my dreams of being a “real artist” and, in turn, i’ll be a little bit less of a piece of sh*t for being unresponsive, or my unresponsiveness will be more acceptable because of my obvious talent and inevitable success. on top of being late for this one thing, i’m also letting other people down by leaving where i was and going to this other thing. so no matter what i’m doing, someone’s feelings are going to get hurt because i overextended myself. by making conflicting commitments, i initially thought i’d be able to satisfy all the important relationships in my life by strategically creating an extra hour in the day and manifesting a reliable mta system, which obviously ended up backfiring and leaving everyone dissatisfied. now all of this stress and anxiety of maintaining relationships is totally self imposed, like no one would actually care if i had just said “no” in the first place, but i don’t like “no.” it’s a closed door shutting you off from a world of opportunities. but i don’t like the feeling of letting people down, either. being considered an unreliable flake is not ideal. so then it begs the question, why are u doing any of this if you’re so unhappy? i don’t know. i guess it’s 'cause i’m an artist and pain guides my practice. generally, new york is pretty comfortable. sure, there’s the unrelenting stress of money and the occasional combative interaction on the subway or the sidewalk, but comparatively, new york is pretty nice. it’s a bubble of autonomy in terms of how you dress, who you date, or what hobbies you have. everyone’s basically in their own world and that gives you the invisibility to live pretty freely. such freedom is too cushy for a tortured artist, even if you’re living in a rat-infested studio without heat, you can still walk a couple blocks away and be immersed in a beautifully diverse city, rich with culture and new adventures waiting to be discovered. so the only real way to have a meaningful perspective in new york is to fabricate some drama and hardship. pressure makes diamonds, and unnecessary strife makes good art. so for me, i compulsively like to gamble with people’s emotions over text. some would call it ghosting, but that feels wrong, because i will eventually answer, just not on your timeline, but mine. and usually that will be one week to two months later after 3am on a weekday because it’s the lowest likelihood of getting a realtime response. nothing is worse than live-texting. the houdini-like balance necessary to be clever, sharp, witty, sarcastic, genuine, sweet, and savory all at once, all while maintaining a rapid volley of messages is too much. so, after i send a text, any text, my ritual is to throw my phone as far away as possible, ideally into something soft. but even if it’s a brick wall, it’s okay; a broken phone is just another excuse to shirk the responsibility of good communication. the worst part is how simple it is to avoid putting oneself in such sticky situations. the longer you wait to reply, the bigger the monster becomes. what starts out as a slight twinge of anxiety will inevitably morph and grow and become something dark and demented. the imagined outcome is always worse than reality. of course, i’ve been confronted about my elusive ways and that doesn’t feel good, but it doesn’t really matter because i’m going to ignore that confrontational message for as long as possible and, eventually, if i wait long enough, or just delete the message, then it will disappear completely. unfortunately, the same thing doesn’t work for planning an exhibition. there’s a million tasks to tend to and a million messages to answer. by the time it’s all done, it can be pretty hard not to feel somewhat jaded about the exhibition. at the end of the day, it’s just stuff in a room. no amount of contextualizing will actually change that. you can come see it, or not, but i’d still really like for you to come see it, because the scariest thing is putting all this effort into something and knowing that no one will ever see it.
missed connections
+10.30 meet me here tomorrow (again)
You: a groundhog having their day
Me: never seen a shadow i haven’t caught
Description:
day in and day out, we exchange looks, brush past each other, and share air, but, ultimately, we never converse. well, today is the day that i finally reach out to you, online, through an anonymous forum.
+10.26 a nightmare on all street 2 concert
You: a face behind a mask
Me: a mask on top a face
Description:
which one of us is real? the world will never know.
+10.24 a nightmare on all street 2 comedy show
You: a bright voice in the darkness
Me: a dark light in the noise
Description
things bend, break, blow together. let it rip. let it hit. let it puff. dap ‘em up, plug the plug. lights out. get lit. get lit. get lit. i don’t know. i guess i’m just trying to say i think you’re cute and we should hang :)
horoscopes
+Aries+
you don’t need to be scared of nothing.
+Taurus+
fear is a state of mind, but then again, states are a figment of the imagination. so, what are the boundaries your fears abide by?
+Gemini+
don’t check under the bed. it’s not what you think it is. it’s so much worse. where do you think your nightmares go when you wake up? they crawl out your ear and tumble into the crack between your mattress and the bed frame before falling through the slats to the depths of the darkness under the bed. that’s what we in the industry call “crack world.” there’s various doorways to crack world littered around the city. the space between the sides of car seats, the bottom of a pocketbook, and, of course, the little sliver between one’s mattress and headboard. many have gone on causal expeditions to crack world, spelunking through cavernous caverns and swimming through ravenous rivers. but crack world isn’t a joke. langton hughes warned of what could happen to a dream deferred, but what about a nightmare deferred? does it fester in the moon like a craisin being fresh picked in the morning by those two dudes in those commercials? and then, you ask yourself, wait those guys from that commercial - they weren’t for craisins, were they? no, they were for cranberries. red, little and sweet just how we like our “cranberries.” so, next time you feel scared, remember that if you try hard enough, you can turn a cranberry into a craisin. it’s like turning lemons to lemonade, but perhaps a transition where the thing is getting even worse?
+Cancer+
do you close your eyes when you’re scared, or do you open them wider and wider until your eyeballs are basically falling out of your head, and whatever you’re scared of is now scared of your weird bloody bulging eyeballs?
+Leo+
what’s the worst that can happen? you die? big whoop. that’s going to happen no matter what you do. and, besides, every person that’s ever lived has died, so what makes you so special?
+Virgo+
they say nothing is scarier than wasted potential, but i can think of at least ten things scarier than that. what they are, though? well that’s for me to know and you to imagine.
+Libra+
change is the only constant. even when the dollars stop flowing, you can always find a few extra cents lying around, whether on the sidewalk, or in the couch cushions, change is all around you.
+Scorpio+
a famous Canadian once boldly whined, “your friends are scared to tell you you went too far.” well, mr. Canadian, sometimes the scariest thing in the world is what’s in the mirror.
+Sagittarius+
the darkness can be a foe, but more likely, it’s just minding it’s own damn business and doesn’t give a damn about you, or anything you’re doing with your insignificant little life.
+Capricorn+
if you only jump when someone’s going to catch you, how will you ever learn if you can fly?
+Aquarius+
reality will never be as bad as your nightmares, nor as good as your dreams, so stop worrying about what might happen next and just accept you have no control over anything and nothing really exists or matters.
+Pisces+
you should be afraid. very afraid.
playlist
+Send us your writing, ideas, notes, observations or anything you want to gallery@allstnyc.com to be considered for future editions of all or nothing+
image credits
artworks by diana sinclair, sophia mainka, and malaika temba for the group exhibition meet me here tomorrow (again), curated by heike dempster, on view through november 17 at all street gallery’s 77 east third street location.